You Just KNOW You've Been in Saigon Too Long When...

I'm sure lots of people have given their Top 10 reasons why they love Saigon, hate Vietnam, and even maybe some have come up with their own "You Just Know You've Been in Saigon Too Long When..." List. 

But I don't think anyone has come up with a "You Just Know You've Been in Saigon Too Long When You Return to Your Country And You..." List. 

My friends (as John "I'm so unpredictable I might actually start WW3 over a Tootsie Roll' McCain would say), this is why I have written one here, for my own amusement- not yours.

Hence, if you don't get it, don't like it, or find it offensive- it's not important. What's key is that it's been documented in case Old Tootsie Roll hijacks the hold of the button before January 20.

Without further ado...

You Just Know You've Been in Saigon Too Long When You Return to Your Country And You:

1) Can't hear anymore

2) Speak louder than everyone else, by 33 decibel points

3) Do reach for your camera when you see a guy carrying an 8x8 foot sheet of glass on his motorbike, smoking a cigarette and sending a text message.

4) Get three traffic tickets in your first hour back

5) Leave footprints on your toilet seat

6) Wear ankle stockings with your flip-flops (we know this was predictable, but it's so true)

7) Scream into your cell phone like it's the END OF THE WORLD!!!!!

8) HAAAAAAAWWWWWWWK into the pool gutter

9) Miss the smell of gasoline

10) Just don't give a dang anymore

Of course, some readers had other comments, like "Urinate on your neighbor's house," but we told Old Tootsie Roll that was just too culturally insensitive.