You Just KNOW You've Been in Saigon Too Long When...

I'm sure lots of people have given their Top 10 reasons why they love Saigon, hate Vietnam, and even maybe some have come up with their own "You Just Know You've Been in Saigon Too Long When..." List. 

But I don't think anyone has come up with a "You Just Know You've Been in Saigon Too Long When You Return to Your Country And You..." List. 

My friends (as John "I'm so unpredictable I might actually start WW3 over a Tootsie Roll' McCain would say), this is why I have written one here, for my own amusement- not yours.

Hence, if you don't get it, don't like it, or find it offensive- it's not important. What's key is that it's been documented in case Old Tootsie Roll hijacks the hold of the button before January 20.

Without further ado...

You Just Know You've Been in Saigon Too Long When You Return to Your Country And You:

1) Can't hear anymore

2) Speak louder than everyone else, by 33 decibel points

3) Do reach for your camera when you see a guy carrying an 8x8 foot sheet of glass on his motorbike, smoking a cigarette and sending a text message.

4) Get three traffic tickets in your first hour back

5) Leave footprints on your toilet seat

6) Wear ankle stockings with your flip-flops (we know this was predictable, but it's so true)

7) Scream into your cell phone like it's the END OF THE WORLD!!!!!

8) HAAAAAAAWWWWWWWK into the pool gutter

9) Miss the smell of gasoline

10) Just don't give a dang anymore

Of course, some readers had other comments, like "Urinate on your neighbor's house," but we told Old Tootsie Roll that was just too culturally insensitive.

Who Are You Boatman?

My cousin forced me to join him for a movie I did not want to see. I had only vague recollections of Rambo 1, and saw no reason to see Rambo 4. I've seen a lot of bad movies, most of them here in Vietnam, all of them Hollywood-made, and all of them practically free. But Rambo 4 was the WORST movie I have ever seen- EVER. Like, in my entire life, ever. It wasn't even worth the Free price tag. 

The entire movie was one, very long murder scene. You'd think half of Burma was decimated by this one man. But, there was this single, memorable line directed at Sly Stalone by a soon-to-be dead man: "Who are you boatman?" Sly Stalone didn't even respond. That's how bad this movie was- the main man, approaching 90, didn't even have the best line in HIS movie. 

Now, on to more important matters: What is the purpose of this blog?

It's to tell you a little about me. Since no one seems to reading it, I'm going to dive right in and divulge everything about this boatman:

My name is Sam. 

And I am Amerivietman.